Yeah, guys and gals – no, not gals. Dolls? Nope, 'tis a play. Oh, hang on, reboot, I've got it!
Yeah, ladies and gentlemen! Today, I had some wonderfully reheated sausage and mash with gorgeous onion gravy. I have a tendency to call brown stuff gorgeous, given that it's not faeces. Blue stuff – besides mould, that is – gets tagged "pretty" in the exquisitely complex matrices of Robin James' brain. Anyway, yummy dinner; thanks mother! She's given me a cupcake for afters, but hasn't told me what's in it. It could be spacecake. Mmm, drugs... Here's hoping!
In other news, I am not as good on a rowing machine as I would like! In fact, I'm worse than Tom and Niall. This, ladies and gentlemen†, is embarrassing. It must be dealt with immediately, or at least in the near future. Maybe I was fatigued today from a piano lesson. They can be quite strenuous!
Finally, I bring such brilliant news: I am totally immune to whichever serotype of rhinovirus the local disease factories – or, as I believe the biological term is, "humans" – gave to me. Excellent! Total immunity, here I come! Apologies to anyone I gave diseases to over the past few weeks.
Here ends Tuesday 5th October. Now to have that prospective spacecake!
†I'm sticking with that now; apologies to transgenders, although I figure you're covered by the "and"? I don't know. I AM JUST A GUY.
20101005
20101004
Eye of newt and toe of frog...
A) If you really want to hear about it, the first thing you'll probably want to know is where my little brother found the frog, what happened to the greenhouse, and all that Countryfile kind of crap, but I don't really feel like going into it, to tell you the truth.
B) Mr and Mrs Frog of Number 4, Under-The-Greenhouse Drive were perfectly ordinary, thank you very much.
C) Double double, toil and trouble,
Greenhouse broken into rubble.
To explain, if thou hast not yet noticed, I'm going for a literary knickerbocker-glory today. In case thou canst not divine them: A) is in the style of Holden Caulfield of The Catcher in the Rye; B) paraphrases the opening to Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone; and C) is almost identical to the chorus of the witches' chant in Act IV scene i of Macbeth. I adore Macbeth. I saw a performance of it at Shakespeare's Globe in London with my sister on 1st May this year. It was fantastic!
To explain the events of the day, mother decided to take down the Bronze Age greenhouse at the bottom of the garden. When I say "take down", I rather imagine she would run at it and tackle it to the floor. She may well have done; I was at school at the time. In doing so, several frogs were freed/exiled from its reaches.
So, ranking among the top 3 most absurd of my English posts, that concludes today's dwellings. If thou hast not enjoyed today's blog, thou hast a deficiency in thy love for literature.
Night froods!
B) Mr and Mrs Frog of Number 4, Under-The-Greenhouse Drive were perfectly ordinary, thank you very much.
C) Double double, toil and trouble,
Greenhouse broken into rubble.
To explain, if thou hast not yet noticed, I'm going for a literary knickerbocker-glory today. In case thou canst not divine them: A) is in the style of Holden Caulfield of The Catcher in the Rye; B) paraphrases the opening to Harry Potter and the Philosopher's Stone; and C) is almost identical to the chorus of the witches' chant in Act IV scene i of Macbeth. I adore Macbeth. I saw a performance of it at Shakespeare's Globe in London with my sister on 1st May this year. It was fantastic!
To explain the events of the day, mother decided to take down the Bronze Age greenhouse at the bottom of the garden. When I say "take down", I rather imagine she would run at it and tackle it to the floor. She may well have done; I was at school at the time. In doing so, several frogs were freed/exiled from its reaches.
So, ranking among the top 3 most absurd of my English posts, that concludes today's dwellings. If thou hast not enjoyed today's blog, thou hast a deficiency in thy love for literature.
Night froods!
20101003
Return of the Bacon
No, don't worry. It's not the end of a Kevin Bacon trilogy. So many trilogies end with "Return of the..." or at least "The ~ Revolutions." Are there even any Kevin Bacon trilogies? Someone get back to me on that.
The true nature of Bacon's return – yeah man, every frood knows Bacon gets capitalized – was a sandwich. The tastiest sandwich I've had in over a week, for today, on this the sunniest of Sundays, on the thirdiest third day of the most Octoberesque October that ever was in 2010, I returned from rowing at one very quarty quarter to twelve to find in the fridge the most delectable of delicacies: BACON. Oh yes, that's right, happy October ladies and gents! Didst thou enjoy September? I did. I'd rank this September among my top 20 Septembers!
After that, the day went pretty well. All days go well after bacon. Illness? Not today! To porkiness and beyond!
And another, final, thing: thou mayst have noticed that I am avoiding the ridiculous pronoun "you" in all instances and its derivatives. That, my dear fellows, is simple: "you" is silly. Observe the table of personal pronouns:
Doth thou see? Canst thou spot the flaw? "you" is identical to "you." Fortunately "thou" is not identical to "thee." Of course, "her" and "her" are annoying too, but I don't know any four-hundred-year-old alternative which fixes that, except for supposing that females own nothing, however, that would be sexism, and I would not allow it!
Yours self-righteously,
Robin James
Chief of Grammar
The true nature of Bacon's return – yeah man, every frood knows Bacon gets capitalized – was a sandwich. The tastiest sandwich I've had in over a week, for today, on this the sunniest of Sundays, on the thirdiest third day of the most Octoberesque October that ever was in 2010, I returned from rowing at one very quarty quarter to twelve to find in the fridge the most delectable of delicacies: BACON. Oh yes, that's right, happy October ladies and gents! Didst thou enjoy September? I did. I'd rank this September among my top 20 Septembers!
After that, the day went pretty well. All days go well after bacon. Illness? Not today! To porkiness and beyond!
And another, final, thing: thou mayst have noticed that I am avoiding the ridiculous pronoun "you" in all instances and its derivatives. That, my dear fellows, is simple: "you" is silly. Observe the table of personal pronouns:
| Nominative | Accusative | Possessive |
| I | me | my |
| you | you | your |
| thou | thee | thy |
| he | him | his |
| she | her | her |
| we | us | our |
| they | them | their |
Doth thou see? Canst thou spot the flaw? "you" is identical to "you." Fortunately "thou" is not identical to "thee." Of course, "her" and "her" are annoying too, but I don't know any four-hundred-year-old alternative which fixes that, except for supposing that females own nothing, however, that would be sexism, and I would not allow it!
Yours self-righteously,
Robin James
Chief of Grammar
20101002
Saturday with Niall!
... and Jelly Babies!
Yep, we went to Sainsbury's for a decent bit of binge, then headed back to his place for a bit f Pelham 123. Awesome film. We also listened to a bit of music, some soundtrack and the odd novelty tune on ye olde Grooveshark.
I'm gonna head off now, but not before I tell you all about the relief I feel for having thrown that awful broken bed-frame out of my room. I am extremely relieved! Hooray for Allen keys!
Night froods! x
Yep, we went to Sainsbury's for a decent bit of binge, then headed back to his place for a bit f Pelham 123. Awesome film. We also listened to a bit of music, some soundtrack and the odd novelty tune on ye olde Grooveshark.
I'm gonna head off now, but not before I tell you all about the relief I feel for having thrown that awful broken bed-frame out of my room. I am extremely relieved! Hooray for Allen keys!
Night froods! x
20101001
Drugs are so cheap.
Seriously, right, ibuprofen are really quite brilliant drugs. Headache? No bother. Cold? It'll take the symptoms down. Depressed? 150 of them will set you back maybe £2.50, and, well...
Obviously, no store would let you buy this many at once, but how hard would it really be to go into, I don't know, 5 stores? 2 packets in each.
Anyway, on a cheery, less hypothetical-suicide-related note, I finally got myself a copy of the local newspaper News Guardian in which my story and photograph were printed. Again – as if I don't mention the sexy dudes enough – I'd like to draw attention to fellow rowing heat-winners Bobby, Niall and Tom. Go guys! In fact, if you really love Niall – and why wouldn't you? – you can read what he has to say about games, films and stuff on his blog.
So, that's today: benzene rings and newspaper things. Tomorrow promises to be similarly – if not more so – disappointing.
Night fellas!
Obviously, no store would let you buy this many at once, but how hard would it really be to go into, I don't know, 5 stores? 2 packets in each.
Anyway, on a cheery, less hypothetical-suicide-related note, I finally got myself a copy of the local newspaper News Guardian in which my story and photograph were printed. Again – as if I don't mention the sexy dudes enough – I'd like to draw attention to fellow rowing heat-winners Bobby, Niall and Tom. Go guys! In fact, if you really love Niall – and why wouldn't you? – you can read what he has to say about games, films and stuff on his blog.
So, that's today: benzene rings and newspaper things. Tomorrow promises to be similarly – if not more so – disappointing.
Night fellas!
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